One of the greatest functions of the film medium is its ability to convey an event visually in real time. Wheras language can only describe a scenario and still photography can only present one shot of an event, film can show you something happening over time.

But it’s not just a great functon of cinema – it’s what the medium relies on. If you can’t clearly show me something happening when I am paying attention, you are failing. That’s not a matter of having too short (or too long) of an attention span, and it’s not a matter of being inable to appreciate a filmmaker’s style. It’s just fucking illiteracy.
Continue reading My Brain Hurts

Michael Bay’s “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” has 46 robots this time out, a number which, thanks to the expert visual effects work by the folks at ILM, will no doubt earn his Autobots and Decepticons a very high ranking on any robot list published after tomorrow.

Well, I wrote this list yesterday before seeing the new movie, so it doesn’t include the Transformers. What it does include, however, are 10 of the coolest and most iconic movie robots in cinematic history. To get you ready for the nonstop Bay machine-porn flick that pummels its way into theaters tomorrow, here is my list of the Top 10 Coolest Movie Robots. Have a seat and enjoy!

Mr. Sparkle and I attended a screening of Transformers: ROTFL last night. You’ll have to wait until tomorrow for our thoughts on Michael Bay’s second attempt to make a good Transformers movie. To help tide you over for the next 24-hours or so here’s a little Transformers love from Transbuddha’s past (oh, there’s more if you have time to search). If you ever wanted to see Optimus Prime throwdown with Bumbleebee this vid is for you. Not too far back I took a swipe at a Thursday Top Ten Best Transformers. Why do Transformers need to be made out of metal, it seems paper Transformers are really cool. Fans of old school Transformers should enjoy Stan Bush - The Touch. And, finally, we look back at the last Transformers film and give you One More Reason to Hate Michael Bay.

Dancing Stormtroopers, Red Foxx, Paul Lynde, C-3P0, R2-D2, and fireworks. Wait until you see who they got to play Han Solo. No, really. Just watch.

Donny and Marie Star Wars pt1 & pt2

The following, from Jeremy Casper, Stuart Bury, Isaiah Powers, is a Senior Thesis film project for the Kansas City Art Institute. For more on the short, and the men and women who made it, click here.

“Dried Up is the story of a quiet old man who, surrounded by desolation and apathy, perseveres to remain true to the nature of his own beliefs and character. He toils daily to forge a last ditch effort to bring hope and life to a faithless, drought ridden old town.”

Dried Up

Okay, Cobra Commander has never been the coolest bad guy around, and he’s had his fair share of comedic costume mistakes (anybody remember his Battle Armor days?), but he’s still the head of a super-secret terrorist organization which carries a little street-cred, right? And whether in helmet or hood he made a damn good action figure. I’ve been wondering why the new G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra movie hasn’t seen fit to give us a glimpse at Cobra’s head man. Now I know the reason, and I wish I didn’t. Here’s the movie action figure of Cobra Commander based off the character played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt in the new film. WARNING: I’d suggest you move anything breakable at least ten-feet away before viewing. Kill me. Kill me now.

I don’t really remember much about the show, the characters, or even the plot of a single episode, but the introductory theme somehow still manages to bring a smile to my face.

Marching along as their song fills the air.
Gummi Bears, bouncing here and there and everywhere,
High adventure that’s beyond compare.
They are The Gummi Bears.

What else could you want on Monday morning?

Disney’s Gummi Bears Full Song

Even if your Dad isn’t a cyborg, black belt, or the Caped Crusader himself, it’s still worth the time to take a moment and wish him a Happy Father’s Day!

My Dad

Romantic comedies can scare critics away quicker than a mob racing out of a burning building. It’s hard to warm up to a genre that’s let you down so often, and so consistently. So settling down to watch The Proposal all I really was hoping for was to make it out of the theater with my sanity intact.

Here’s the thing, aside from the contrived device used to get the film’s stars together (and a few best-forgotten groan-worthy scenes), the film actually works better than I expected. It’s not great by any stretch of the imagination, but for the genre it’s above average.

Continue reading I’ve got a “Proposal” for you

I’m in a pickle. See, I promised the good Cap’n that I would review Year One. The problem is, this movie is so lame, I feel like dwelling on the subject is going to cause irreparable damage to my thinker.

It’s not the worst movie ever - it’s just non-sucky enough to keep from being entertaininly bad. But as far as I’m concerned, the comedy is a total waste of time (and this is coming from a dude who really enjoyed Land of the Lost.) Besides, it’s not like there’s really anything worth saying about this stupid, failure of a flick anyway.

BUT THE POINT IS, I made Carrot a promise, and I’m not a man who breaks his word. So here it is: my incredibly short review of Year One:
Continue reading ‘Year One’ - Not Even Worth It